Mother's are great! As is mine.
The relationship with my mother has been challenging to say the least. And before I continue, the reason I will have more to say about my mother than my father is because I've always been closer to my mother, and one tends to have more to say about those closest to their heart. I am no different.
I'm a very calm person, always have been. Even my mother would tell me stories that I was such a quiet child. Though some say that you have to look out for the quiet ones. And she was right. Though I am quiet and easy going, if you push my buttons the right way, I become like a dormant volcano that finally erupts. It's harsh and fierce and causes damage in it's path. I've erupted twice in my life, and unfortunately both times it was against my mother. Not to say I haven't blown up since then, but they have never been as fierce as these two times.
I love my mother with all my heart, however there are aspects of her that I do not like. First, she is never wrong (In her mind). Second, she loves to yell, Third, she manipulates with out meaning to, Fourth, she is very incredibly judgmental, And lastly, very self-centered. Let me give examples.
I remember one time she asked me to bake cookies for her to take to this ladies luncheon to show off to her friends at church. I was 16/17 at the time, I hadn't gone to culinary school yet. To make a long story short, I got up early, had my little sister help me and we baked all day. When my mother got back from wherever she was, she was not happy with my baking skills. She blew up at me and said something to the fact that she couldn't take these because she would be embarrassed in front of her friends, etc. Instead of thanking me and appreciating my effort, she was ungrateful and only worried about how she would look in front of her friends. Not half an hour later after our altercation, she tripped on the steps as she was leaving and broke her pinky toe...When I heard her scream in pain I went to see what happened, and after I saw, I simply turned back around and went back to my room without bothering to help her up. This is how angry I was with her. I don't regret my decision, but I did feel bad for her and made her a feel better card. I forgave her, but as I've said before, I never forget. The whole point I'm trying to make is that to this day she feels she was in the right. No joke...
I think this example actually encompasses all the attributes that I dislike about my mother. Therefore, I won't bother you with any others, but I do have them.
There are several things I love about my mother, at the time I learned them, I didn't appreciate it, but now I do. By the time I was 12 years old I knew how to cook, clean a house, bake (somewhat), sew, knit, and crochet. I could wash my own clothes, and iron them as well. For this I'm eternally grateful to my mother. It has made me so independent and a better person. Though she has had her moments, I know as I have always known that my mother never stopped loving me. In our family we always expressed our love for each-other everyday and now every time we talk on the phone. This my mother always insisted and am grateful.
My mother has also been an inspiration to me. She has had so many different jobs since I can remember, and she never gave up until she met her goal of finally becoming a registered nurse. It was a long and arduous journey, but she persevered and I commend her for that and hold her in the highest esteem for this was no small matter.
As in any relationship between two people, especially a mother and son, we have had our ups and downs, but with God's help and guidance we have maintained a steady and healthy relationship that continues to this day. I will always love my mother and though I may not always agree with the way she acts or is, I will never stop loving her. God could NOT have sent me a better mother to guide in His ways and teach me the essentials to survive this sinful world. As I said in the last paragraph of my blog about my father, I wish here the same. That when I have children, I will not repeat the sins of my mother! But I do hope to teach them what she has taught me, and so much more.
To be continued...
Monday, October 15, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Sins of My Father
In a recent Comment from my mother, she accused me of being "kind" to my father. Therefore, in this next installment I will be telling my story of my relationship with my father, leaving nothing out that I recall. Then the following will be about my mother. So here we go.
I love my dad, as I love both my parents, but as no one is perfect, my parents were no different.
Now I've seen on television where the father's and sons do stuff together like fishing and going to baseball games, being involved in sports, etc... This was not the kind of relationship I had with my father. Partly because I was not that interested in sports, but also because my father wasn't around. He was always busy working, making money. We still had family worship and family time, but I didn't have much of a personal relationship with my father. It wasn't until it came out that I was gay that my dad tried to "toughen" me up, make me more of a man. He wasn't always kind to my mother either. He never struck me as the romantic type. He did things for their anniversary, or other special events, and he would try to get us kids involved, but though they showed affections, I never thought as their relationship as loving or romantic. I had seen parents of my friends and how they interacted with each other and this was never the sort of relationship my parents shared. They fought a lot, yelled, etc... It was never physical, that I know of, but again I could sense it wasn't normal. It was a struggle for both of them the entire 30 years they were together...
I have good memories with him. I'll never forget the time my dad surprised me at school to have lunch with me. Also the talks we had discussing the bible on our way to church different times while in the car together. Or when he taught me to ride my bike or taught me to drive a car. Things very precious to my heart. He always encouraged me and supported me in my career choices and when I wanted to move to New York, etc. I appreciated his advice as well.
But I'll also never forget how he would hit me on the top of my head when I forgot to do one of my chores; he would use his whole fist and bang it really hard on the top center part of my head. To this day I'm convinced that I have a permanent indentation on my head from those beatings. I also will not forget the chancla, or rubber slipper my dad used to spank us when we were bad. I also didn't appreciate the endless lectures he would give in terms of money and responsibility. Or the way he told me that if I had a bf or husband that he never wanted to meet him or know him. That he wouldn't come to my wedding or participate in my life. This above all, hurt the most.
It was since that moment that the relationship I shared with my father went downhill. It was never to be the same. When I moved to New York and since then, my father only called or talked with me about money or loans or paying this or buying that. He never apologized, and never took interest in my social life again. He has made some bad decision since then as well. Getting married one month after the divorce to my mother was finalized, not showing up to my little sister's graduation. Separating himself from the rest of us to be with his new wife.
As I've stated before, I still love him and there is nothing I can do to change the fact that He is my father, and I couldn't have asked God for a better one. Though there were times I did ask, but never received.
Both my parents tried their best with what they had to give. I can only thank God for the way I turned out, for I'm sure if it weren't for Him, I would not be here today. Though there were not many horrors in my life as others have endured, I had some pretty rough times and personal struggles that were not helped by neither my father nor my mother, but God was always there, and I thank Him for staying with me through it all.
I try not to regret or despair, or judge or be pessimistic, and it's because of my parents and my experiences and above all God that I continue to be optimistic, all-accepting, positive, and fortunate. All I can say now is that I pray when I become a father that I will not repeat the sins of My father.
To be continued...
I love my dad, as I love both my parents, but as no one is perfect, my parents were no different.
Now I've seen on television where the father's and sons do stuff together like fishing and going to baseball games, being involved in sports, etc... This was not the kind of relationship I had with my father. Partly because I was not that interested in sports, but also because my father wasn't around. He was always busy working, making money. We still had family worship and family time, but I didn't have much of a personal relationship with my father. It wasn't until it came out that I was gay that my dad tried to "toughen" me up, make me more of a man. He wasn't always kind to my mother either. He never struck me as the romantic type. He did things for their anniversary, or other special events, and he would try to get us kids involved, but though they showed affections, I never thought as their relationship as loving or romantic. I had seen parents of my friends and how they interacted with each other and this was never the sort of relationship my parents shared. They fought a lot, yelled, etc... It was never physical, that I know of, but again I could sense it wasn't normal. It was a struggle for both of them the entire 30 years they were together...
I have good memories with him. I'll never forget the time my dad surprised me at school to have lunch with me. Also the talks we had discussing the bible on our way to church different times while in the car together. Or when he taught me to ride my bike or taught me to drive a car. Things very precious to my heart. He always encouraged me and supported me in my career choices and when I wanted to move to New York, etc. I appreciated his advice as well.
But I'll also never forget how he would hit me on the top of my head when I forgot to do one of my chores; he would use his whole fist and bang it really hard on the top center part of my head. To this day I'm convinced that I have a permanent indentation on my head from those beatings. I also will not forget the chancla, or rubber slipper my dad used to spank us when we were bad. I also didn't appreciate the endless lectures he would give in terms of money and responsibility. Or the way he told me that if I had a bf or husband that he never wanted to meet him or know him. That he wouldn't come to my wedding or participate in my life. This above all, hurt the most.
It was since that moment that the relationship I shared with my father went downhill. It was never to be the same. When I moved to New York and since then, my father only called or talked with me about money or loans or paying this or buying that. He never apologized, and never took interest in my social life again. He has made some bad decision since then as well. Getting married one month after the divorce to my mother was finalized, not showing up to my little sister's graduation. Separating himself from the rest of us to be with his new wife.
As I've stated before, I still love him and there is nothing I can do to change the fact that He is my father, and I couldn't have asked God for a better one. Though there were times I did ask, but never received.
Both my parents tried their best with what they had to give. I can only thank God for the way I turned out, for I'm sure if it weren't for Him, I would not be here today. Though there were not many horrors in my life as others have endured, I had some pretty rough times and personal struggles that were not helped by neither my father nor my mother, but God was always there, and I thank Him for staying with me through it all.
I try not to regret or despair, or judge or be pessimistic, and it's because of my parents and my experiences and above all God that I continue to be optimistic, all-accepting, positive, and fortunate. All I can say now is that I pray when I become a father that I will not repeat the sins of My father.
To be continued...
Thursday, October 4, 2012
My Life, My Experience
Life in New Mexico was great!
Loved my life there. I started school late because my mother wanted us all home schooled, however when it came down to actually teaching, she had her shortcomings. It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't the best either. I had friends, though few because they were limited to church and the neighborhood. She did her best, but in the grand scheme of things, in the end, I didn't know how to read very well. I had to start from the first grade at the age of eight. This was both a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing was the I was two years older than everyone else, so they mostly looked up to me, the bad thing was that I felt kinda dumb because I didn't know how to read very well. I felt that the other kids were making fun of me. But in the end it wasn't this way.
By the time I finished the first grade I realized that I was learning rather quickly and got really good grades. I kept a 4.0 GPA for the entire first and second years of school. However, my third year I was transferred to a different school in a different area of town closer to my home and therefore had to adjust. This caused a period of time where my grades faltered a little. This had something to do with my home life as well, but I was able to separate the two and maintain my composure at school and anywhere else outside of my home.
I've always felt that school came easily to me and I believe this is due in part to the fact that I started school at a later age. Being older I was able to concentrate more and comprehend what was happening because my brain functions were more developed. My grades never faltered more than an A/B GPA, all the way through grade school and high school.
As I've said before, I was an an exemplary student and son. But because school was so easy I never exceeded to excel more than what I could get away with. I could have had straight A's if I wanted, but I was never motivated by anyone else to exceed, therefore I did what was needed to pass and get good enough grades and nothing more.
I had great friends, some I still keep in contact with today. My friends Jason, Nadia, and Denise are three people that I've known the longest from school. It's been almost 20 years since the first time I met them in the first grade. Because of this we share so many memories and good times. It's been years since I've seen any of them, but I keep tabs on them through Facebook.
I had two favorite teachers in grade school. Mrs. Osborne and Mrs Krueger, I also like Mrs. Springfield from California. These teachers excelled in their teaching methods and I will never forget them. Their influences in my life have helped shape the man I am today. Not to say other people did not have a had in this. But a teachers influence on a child is very powerful. You may only see this person for one year, but you see them everyday, for longer periods of time than your parents or siblings, it's understandable that these people help you grow and learn to become better citizens.
I was blessed enough to have parents that believed in private education. The Seventh-day Adventist church may have many faults, but one thing that I've always appreciated was the schooling system and the availability of several locations all over the nation. Though they may not be recognized by the rest of the civil world, these teachers employed by SDA schools are some of the best teachers in the world. I have no doubt of this. And I hold this true to all grade school through University level educators. I would like to take this time to name just a few of the educators that I hold in high esteem and thank them for their service as educators and mentors to us all and generations to come.
Mrs. Osborne
Mrs. Krueger
Mrs. Springfield
Mr. Sarly
Ms. Nelson
Mrs. Dudley
Ms. Macey
Mr. Walters
Dr. Dennis
Mr. Haloviak
Mrs. Kim
Ms. Price
Ms. Pennington
Mr. Chadwick
Ms. Benedict
Ms. Boner
And anyone else I might have missed.
I hold you all in great esteem and am so grateful to God that I experienced you in my life. Thank you from the depths of my heart! :-)
Loved my life there. I started school late because my mother wanted us all home schooled, however when it came down to actually teaching, she had her shortcomings. It wasn't all bad, but it wasn't the best either. I had friends, though few because they were limited to church and the neighborhood. She did her best, but in the grand scheme of things, in the end, I didn't know how to read very well. I had to start from the first grade at the age of eight. This was both a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing was the I was two years older than everyone else, so they mostly looked up to me, the bad thing was that I felt kinda dumb because I didn't know how to read very well. I felt that the other kids were making fun of me. But in the end it wasn't this way.
By the time I finished the first grade I realized that I was learning rather quickly and got really good grades. I kept a 4.0 GPA for the entire first and second years of school. However, my third year I was transferred to a different school in a different area of town closer to my home and therefore had to adjust. This caused a period of time where my grades faltered a little. This had something to do with my home life as well, but I was able to separate the two and maintain my composure at school and anywhere else outside of my home.
I've always felt that school came easily to me and I believe this is due in part to the fact that I started school at a later age. Being older I was able to concentrate more and comprehend what was happening because my brain functions were more developed. My grades never faltered more than an A/B GPA, all the way through grade school and high school.
As I've said before, I was an an exemplary student and son. But because school was so easy I never exceeded to excel more than what I could get away with. I could have had straight A's if I wanted, but I was never motivated by anyone else to exceed, therefore I did what was needed to pass and get good enough grades and nothing more.
I had great friends, some I still keep in contact with today. My friends Jason, Nadia, and Denise are three people that I've known the longest from school. It's been almost 20 years since the first time I met them in the first grade. Because of this we share so many memories and good times. It's been years since I've seen any of them, but I keep tabs on them through Facebook.
I had two favorite teachers in grade school. Mrs. Osborne and Mrs Krueger, I also like Mrs. Springfield from California. These teachers excelled in their teaching methods and I will never forget them. Their influences in my life have helped shape the man I am today. Not to say other people did not have a had in this. But a teachers influence on a child is very powerful. You may only see this person for one year, but you see them everyday, for longer periods of time than your parents or siblings, it's understandable that these people help you grow and learn to become better citizens.
I was blessed enough to have parents that believed in private education. The Seventh-day Adventist church may have many faults, but one thing that I've always appreciated was the schooling system and the availability of several locations all over the nation. Though they may not be recognized by the rest of the civil world, these teachers employed by SDA schools are some of the best teachers in the world. I have no doubt of this. And I hold this true to all grade school through University level educators. I would like to take this time to name just a few of the educators that I hold in high esteem and thank them for their service as educators and mentors to us all and generations to come.
Mrs. Osborne
Mrs. Krueger
Mrs. Springfield
Mr. Sarly
Ms. Nelson
Mrs. Dudley
Ms. Macey
Mr. Walters
Dr. Dennis
Mr. Haloviak
Mrs. Kim
Ms. Price
Ms. Pennington
Mr. Chadwick
Ms. Benedict
Ms. Boner
And anyone else I might have missed.
I hold you all in great esteem and am so grateful to God that I experienced you in my life. Thank you from the depths of my heart! :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)