In the Beginning

Where to begin?

Always a hard place to start. For one to start at the beginning of my story, I guess you should know a little about me. Though trust me, I won't say all...personal info is personal. I am now 27, born and raised for 14 years in Albuquerque, New Mexico, living in Rio Rancho for 13 years. My father moved us to California in '99 and after finishing high school, moved and went to school in LA for 6 months, then moved to NYC for 11 months, then back to Cali for 12 months, then back to NYC for 4 1/2 years, and now living in Copenhagen, Denmark. Quite a journey...this I know.

So that's me in a nutshell.

You'll get to know me as I publish more and more, but please don't judge me too harshly, I do that enough to myself...and no one and I do mean no one, does that better than me! :-)

So here we go. I'm an interesting person, or I like to think so anyway. Been somewhat of a lonely person. Now I don't mean this that I was a loner...being lonely and being a loner are two very different issues. Having a sense of loneliness means that you have a feeling of being alone in your journey called life, being a loner means that you go out of your way to make sure that no one distracts your in your lonesome journey...see the difference.

Being lonely, I've always had people around me, family, friends, etc. But still had this sense of being alone. The only person or entity I've ever felt a closeness to was God. Now, let me stop here and mention that I'm gay...yes gay, a homosexual, fruit, whatever you wanna call me, I love men, been that way from the young age of 8 years old. So in saying that, I still do believe in God, always have, and always will. Without Him, I'd have ended my life years ago and would not be telling my story to you right now.

I love all my family with all my heart and love my friends as well. But always been self motivated, self preserving, and self assured. Don't get me wrong, I've had support, and love, and been cared for, but been a lonely person, going on my journey with no one but God beside me. And I guess that is okay, but always felt like I was missing someone else in my life to share in my good times and bad. To love me for me, to care for me and let me care for them, instead of it always being one sided. For though I've been mostly about the self, I'm not selfish in most ways. I'm usually thinking of others, how they feel, what is bothering them, if there is anything I can do to comfort or assure them. I've been listener, motivator, giver, lover, caregiver, friend, confidant, always willing to serve my fellow man with no more than a 'thank you' required in return.

This has all been well and good, but again, a sense that something was and is missing haunts me to this day.

In school I had friends, usually started with the girls, then guys as well. But always had a hesitance to making friends with guys for fear of being seen for what I really was...a homosexual. I had an attraction to the same sex from a very young age, but honestly didn't know what I was till the age of 12, this was around the time the internet was starting to really come into it's own. Porn went viral, and all things that were hidden from our youth for so long until their rightful age was accessible quite easily with a few taps of the keys and clicks of the mouse. This is how I learned who I was and what I wanted.

More to come...if feedback is given and encouraged... Thanks