My Religion, My Belief

How many of you have grown up in a religious home?

My guess is many of you. Growing up in our household in my earlier years was difficult, at least for me. I'm empathic. From a very young age, I could sense and  feel other people's pain and suffering. It would cause me to do the very same. If they were feeling sad and I was in their presence, I would get that feeling as well. If they were crying, I'd start crying as well; I think you get the picture.  This was especially true when it came to my family, namely my mother. Whenever she was sad, which seemed to be a lot of the time, I would be sad, when she cried, I cried. The first time I remember this happening was when I was three years old and we got the call from the hospital that my grandmother had died. She had breast cancer. My mother sat down on the piano bench in the living room and started to cry. I remember having this overwhelming sense of sadness and started to cry along with my mother. This, of course, was not limited to my family. Like I stated before, if I were in your presence and you had intense feelings, I felt them along with you.

Growing up with this, I learned to control my feelings more and more, and to this day, I can't cry unless I myself am in great sadness. I suppose there was a wall built over the years that caused me to separate my own feelings from those of others. I still empathize, but I will not cry or get down as I used to.

My parents fought a lot. During the time between the ages of 8 and 13, my parents fought, or had a heated 'discussion' what seemed like daily. And some weeks it was daily. I can't remember exactly what each argument was about, but I do remember crying myself to sleep on several occasions.

Now, at this point I have to say that I'm going to get religious on you, so if you do not wish to read this part, please skip over this part and move on to the rest of the page.

On one of these night, I was specially sad and had cried myself to sleep. I know it was around January or February because I still had my mini Christmas tree with red lights lit on my desk at the foot of my bed. It was this night that I woke up suddenly and saw something that will stay with me for all time. Only a few people have heard my account.

I woke up, as stated, and at the foot of my bed, just to the right of it was a figure. It was like a pillar of light. Was not blinding, but definitely piercing, as around it, the lights and darkness stayed the same. I could tell that it was not only just a pillar of light, but a figure. Yes, as you are probably guessing, I, to this day, believe it was my guardian angel. No one can convince me that it was not. I was not on any drugs or hallucinating, this was real; was not a dream either. When I saw this figure, I remember feeling this overwhelming sense of peace and comfort. I can't describe it any differently than this calmness that I have never since felt in my entire life. After what must have been only a couple minutes or moments, I simply went back to sleep and had the best rest of my life. Since then I've never had much trouble sleeping.

Now religion has always been a huge part of my life. My family, ever Friday night would get together for worship. This happened most nights during the week as well. We'd read from the bible and discuss our opinions on the particular subject. I remember these times as being some of the best moments of my life. My parents had their faults as most do, but I could not have asked for better. Though sometimes I did asked God why I was born into this family. Now, as an adult, I'm beginning to understand. There are experiences in my life, both good and bad, that would not have happened and could have directly affected the lives of several different people had I not been born into this particular family. Though the bad were all made by my own choice. I believe our choices shape the course of our lives in both positive and negative ways. Usually, the bad are choices made without the aide of God to help guide us in the right direction.

I believe those who were never brought up into a Godly family are still guided in good ways by God because of his undying love for all of us. Those who are supposedly 'ungodly' can still live Godly lives as long as their morals follow the guidelines. Like it says in the Bible 'Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and the second is like unto it, Love thy neighbor as you would love thyself.' Can't get more simple than that. The third passage that sums it up is this, and even if you are not religious have heard this passage. 'For God so loved the world, he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not parish, but have eternal life.' All the rest before or after do not begin to some up the message of the bible better than this.

People have a human inclination to make simple things and explanations more complicated than they really are. Why do you think He wrote 'come to Me as a child'. Children follow their parents with faith that they will lead them in the right direction and protect them...this of course is not always the case because we live in a corrupt world, but this was God's idea for humanity. Children are innocent as we are to be when we first start to learn about the character of Christ. We have to think simply and try not over analyze the meaning behind every text or take it literally.

My belief is that the Bible was never meant to be taken literally. It was meant to be a guide for living. A book with examples of lives and situations that show us what to do and what not to do. It was also meant to show us what to expect in the future, but was not meant for over analysis or interpretation. That's why in the bible, the people of God were given Prophets, because the human condition clouded their minds and made it hard to understand God's plan for them. Time and again humanity let God down. And because He loved us so much, he just kept on trying, kept on changing His strategy.

Now people are going to hate me here, specially the bible thumpers. God makes mistakes! Yes, I said it. It is my belief, that God, even in his purity and godliness, makes mistakes. Him, like us, is given the choice, He is given the ultimate choices that shape the lives of every human, creature, and living thing in this entire world, not to mention the universe. I believe it is because of His love for this world that He has allowed Himself to make choices that He normally would not because of his Undying, unwavering love for humanity. We were made in His image, in His Likeness, We ate from the tree of 'Knowledge of Good and Evil'. We are as God, in so many ways, the only difference is we have the capacity to do wrong. God does not. But to make mistakes does not mean to do wrong. His mistakes are not as our mistakes.  First mistake, was to allow Lucifer to live...No one seems to realize that God could have wiped out Lucifer and all the fallen Angels, with one word they would have existed no longer. But he allowed them to be thrown out of Heaven. This was done out of His love for His angels. Nothing more can explain it. His second mistake was to allow Adam and Eve to continue living after eating from the forbidden tree. He could have erased them from the Garden and created a new and improved Adam and from him, another Eve. But no, out of love, He allowed them to live...yes with consequence, but they lived. Therefore we lived. Third mistake, Choosing a single people to be his 'Chosen Ones'. These people, the Jews were meant to be the survivors, the people that were to replace the third of the Angels that had fallen with Lucifer. But though He loved them, they failed Him. Throughout history it's been the same, though God has loved us, and watched over us and tried to help guide us, we have continue to fail Him, not only because of the presence of Sin in our lives, but because of our capacity to choose. This power of Choice is what allows us to go against God's plans for us.

I believe it is not until we give up this 'Choice' and truly give our self over to God that we can become pure and be like Him. This of course is the hardest decision to make. I myself struggle with this. I trust God with all my heart, but I cannot deny that I've made choices in my life, many in fact, that have not been Godly or even moral.

In closing. We are the human condition, it is we who get in our way. If we would just give ourselves over to Him and surrender completely, life would not be simpler, but easier to handle for we would know that though others may persecute, punish, ridicule, admonish, or scorn, God is always on our side and is ALWAYS Good to those who love Him.   

To be continued. A Special thanks to Jake for your comment. Always appreciated.  Thank you! :-)