Commitment; Believe in it, Or Not?

Why is it that in today's society, people are unable to commit?

I've been gay a very long time, duh, my whole life. And with all my experiences, I've come to the realization that it is especially difficult for men to be committed to anything or anyone for that matter. Obviously I don't mean the entire population of men, there are always exceptions to any rule, but the fact of the matter is that men innately have a difficulty to commit to any one person or thing. Or at least, this is how I see it. I personally don't have this problem, or work against it, but it's something I've seen happen with a lot of men I've encountered. It could also be argued that I simply am interacting with the wrong men. This is highly likely as well. But in any case, I lately have been seeing this in women as well.

I  believe it is society in general that is having this affect on the population. In the media you see it everywhere. No need to commit to a telephone service, can be billed month to month, no need to buy a home, just rent month to month, no need to buy a car, just lease it for a year and then exchange it for a new one. No need to hang on to your old car, just turn it in for a profit and use the money towards a new car. Every year you can upgrade to a new telephone or computer, or television. Ever 5 years they are coming out with new Plasma, HDTV's, now 3D TV's. I think I've made my point. With all these noncommittal items and offers, it seems people have used this same idea in their personal lives. The divorce rate has sky rocketed just within the last 10 years. Not to mention since the 50's or 60's. Some people have divorced more times than the amount of children they've bared. It's ridiculous! This is even worse in the gay community. Or least this has been the stigma put on us. That we don't commit, that we are flakes, etc. To some extent it is true, but like I said before there are exceptions to every rule.

This is my belief in commitment. To be able and have the capacity to commit, one must have the willingness and ability to think of others more than themselves. If two people are constantly thinking of the other person's feels and taking them into consideration, it is as if they are one person equally serving each other and working in the interest of the other. If it is ever one sided, the scale tips and falls and there in lies the separation. Let me explain.

Take two men that meet. One man is well educated, well brought up, but completely self absorbed, and thinks the world owes him a favor and that everything and everyone revolves around him. If something happens to you, his response is always pertaining to himself. The other guy is also well educated, well brought up, wealthy, and yet has always been very generous to others and always thinking of other people before himself. Now these two people have an instant attraction to each other. However, because they are both attractive, it's completely lust. There is no foundation, no basis to stake their entire relationship. But they still date. In the commencement of their dating they slowly come to the realization that they have nothing in common. But it is the generous guy that is feeling this more than the other. The generous guy is always pleasing his partner and taking care of his needs and wants, but when the tables are turned and the generous guy feels the need for some care and consideration, the self absorbed guy doesn't understand why he is doing this to him. He thinks they are happy the way things are going...this continues for a time, maybe a few months or a few years, but the outcome is always the same. They separate. Or in some cases, one or both of them will cheat because in some ways, their needs are not entirely being met.

Now don't get me wrong, communication is key, and so are morals and the initial attraction, however a long lasting relationship has to be based on way more than physicality or attraction and lust. These things fade over time and it is said that they have 'fallen out of love' with one another. This was never love to begin with, anyone who says differently is kidding themselves. It is lust through and through. True love is unyielding, unconditional, unwavering, ever present, it's patient, kind, and everlasting. When you fall in love with someone, a symbolic piece of your heart if given to this person and can never be taken back. If this love is one sided, the person who 'breaks' your heart still holds that piece, and always will. It is like a wound that heals. The blood given out with this wound can never be put back in your body. It will always be outside your body, the wound heals and you feel better after a time, but you will never get that blood back. This is also true with your symbolic 'heart' that was given to the one you love. Does not mean you do not have the capacity to love again. But you will never be able to give anyone your entire heart, for a piece will always be missing.  

Commitment is tough. No one said that anything worth having is easy to come by. Usually the things most worth having and keeping are the hardest to obtain and maintain. However, in the end, they are the ones and things that will last a lifetime.

I'm not perfect, no one is. But I put this to all those that read this blog of mine. Put others first. You are not that import. No one is. By putting others before yourself, you allow for more opportunities and experiences that might not have been obtained if not for your willingness to put others first. This does not mean you become a doormat. That is too extreme. It's a simple as this, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you love yourself so much, then treat others like you would treat yourself. Simple. Seriously. :-)

To be continued...

Josh